An ode to Luca

She's home sickish today. While she was resting, she climbed up on top of my belly to lie - body to body. She loves to do this - she tries to get our heartbeats to go at the same pace or our breathing to follow the same pattern. While she was there, smashed on top of my body, I could feel the length of her. She has grown so much. And every cliche about how quickly they change, about how when these days of long body hugs and simple love are over, you will miss them. And I already do, even before they are gone.

She is changing so much. The first few months here were so hard for her and now, she is a different person. Through the fire and out the other side, she is stronger. That is clear, that she is stronger. Somehow this experience has taken some of those smaller parts of her, those more often afraid parts of her, and teased them out. She is so much clearer about belonging.

I love the days when she is chatty, when she sits down next to me, puts one hand on my knee and says, "Mama, let's have a good conversation, ok?" And then she usually starts right away by asking me about me, "Mama, how are you? How was your day?" She asks me questions, wants to know why I did the things I did, and then when it's her turn, she says things like, "Now, mama, I want you to pay attention because I'm going to tell you some important things." And then she talks. About school. About missing her friends in Minneapolis. About death. About children and babies. About really good orange juice. About anything.

I am most curious to see her when we get home to Minneapolis. Her changes start to feel visible to me here already. What will they look like when they show up against her old environment? How will she be when the real Stella, Georgia, Augie, Miguel, Jasper, Winston, T'Kai are sitting across from her? They all live in her days here so intensely. They are included in her conversations, in her thoughts.

And now she just came in and grabbed me, "Mama, venha rapido. E muito engracado, essa programa. Precisa ver." And so I am going. There is an animal show on that I clearly have to see.