Safety

I've been raped by four different people in my life - two were family, two were not. All of them happened before I turned 24. I've seen members of my family and a friend die, some who were children. Those were not the hardest things to go through. The hardest thing to go through was the years that followed in which nothing could be talked about, grieved over, stated out loud. For reasons far too complex to go into here and which would take me off the point I'm trying to make, there was a web of silence - both perceived and real - that took me years to untangle and move away from. These days, I feel safest with things said out loud. It is true that there is nothing you can say to me that can have much lasting effect. I might get pissed, startled, annoyed, amused, sad or giggly. But those are easy feelings and they pass. It's what you don't say, all of those behind the scenes secrets, that make me nervous.

Leigh, I know that for some folks, safety happens in being in a space where there is an assumption of agreement. That isn't how it works for me. Safety happens for me when people say what they mean, even if I might disagree with it or, sometimes, get pretty angry. I wasn't offended by Emptyman's post (hi Emptyman). I like the give and take the blog produces, even though sometimes I get annoyed. I like that the blog makes me wrestle with difference in a way that my day to day life doesn't always have time for. And there are a whole hell of a lot of people out there who a) have no idea what transgenderism is and b) if they have an idea, they find it freakish and amusing. Like you said, Leigh, it's what you have to deal with all of the time and it sucks and it's ignorant and it's real. That's why I didn't give Emptyman a lesson on transgenderism (hi again, Emptyman), he's smart enough to google his way to knowledge, if he really wants to know. And Leigh, you are an incredibly valuable person in the community I move within. I hope you'll stay in here, slogging away at Emptyman and, yeah sometimes, me, too.

Emptyman, thanks for showing your belly on your last comment. That was kind. And do take some time to look up transgenderism. Fascinating real lives. If you want web references or book ideas, I'd be glad to do it. And sorry about the recent break up. That sucks.

And I do so hope that at one point, I get some whoop ass leveled at me. I have to assume I make mistakes all the time. I appreciate it when someone takes the time to straighten me out, as it were.

Last comment, how come no one said anything about my lesbian sex posting? That was the one I was way more interested in. And nothing. Not a whisper. Is spring not working its magic on anyone out there in the northern hemisphere?