Yeah, it's real for so many women but this morning I sat by the pool with my daughter, another child her age, that child's newborn brother and their nanny. The nanny is 25 and has three kids of her own, ages 6, 8 and 10. The nanny lives three hours away, takes the bus on Monday morning and stays here, with her work-family, all week and then goes home late Friday night. Three hours on the bus again. Her mother lives with her and takes care of her three kids while she is taking care of someone else's kids. Her job is to get up all night with the newborn, including bringing the new baby to the mother so that the mother can nurse. Meanwhile, papa sleeps on in the bed. Nanny is exhausted in the way of new mothers - no sleep because of a crying baby, all day long with a baby and a four year old. New mother was sitting by the pool in the early part of the morning getting some sun. Papa came in from surfing, riled up the two children, and then went upstairs to take a shower, leaving nanny to deal with the now squirrely children.
Nanny goes home on the weekend and mostly catches up on sleep.
This is so typical. So insanely common. And everytime I meet someone for whom it is their reality, I just want to grab my daughter, Luca, and hold on tight.
8 comments:
I can't help myself, but I am totally disgusted with this scenario.
You present it like the "rich" (not your word, my silly little word from my own silly little host of class issues) family has no compassion for this nanny's life.
I feel some outrage, like I want to kick the "papa" and tell the "new mama" to get up off her ass and do some dishes.
I am sorry. I just read my comment and realize that i sound very uni-dimensional.
I probably need some feedback about the nuances and complexities.
But it still pisses me off.
Just like it does here.
I am noticing that I lose respect for people who I percieve to abuse their privilege.
I wonder if I abuse mine.... Probably... Geezh... Now I have to go and examine myself again.
Thanks susan.
"here" meaning in the states. I say that because i had this wonder as i was writing this, if raquel would have any feelings of wanting to defend this part of the culture in brasil. it made me want to tell raquel (even though she is not asking for it) that i wasn't outraged at her country or her cultural or class position.
i was probably taking on something that i created in my own mind that probably doesn't even exist in raquels
geez. there i go having to examine myself again.
Susan!!! Stop this madness!!!
I have no idea if the rich folks have any compassion for the nanny's life. I have no idea if the nanny hates caring for other children or if she even thinks she has any other options. I just know that the snapshot I presented - in which I share the same rages and frustrations as you - makes me sad. I've told you before that when I have described regular life in most of my friends-with-children's houses, I have only got blank looks. Middle class people here, it seems, would not be without some kind of help - nanny or cook or cleaner. Does the nanny make more money doing this than she would anything else? I don't know. There is a dire shortage of employment here - low middle and high wage. I know it is all far more complicated than I write. And it also isn't. There is something wrong with a situation where the only way a woman can afford to care for her own children is by taking care of someone else's. But then, someone from a saner country than the US would probably say, there is something wrong with a situation in which they only way a family can afford to pay their living expenses and be a family is for all of the adults to work all the time outside the home and then race back for brief moments with their children. Gradations of insanity.
no shit.
In Portugal, it is not uncommon to have help. Luisa's cousins with small children have people that come in and cook, clean and do whatever is needed. Still, they lament about their difficult lives (not to us but to their grandmother who then conveys it to us). I have no patience for it.
In this scenario, it is the privilege that is most striking. It appears that the parents and the nanny are on opposite ends of that spectrum. Yuck - how's that for intelligent commentary?
Actually i believe that we can observe this in our own country in many ways. One being the women who leave theri families in Mexico and else where to come to the United States to work...for the same reasons that the nanny is traveling 3 hours. Except it is a much longer trek. It does make me sad for the children, the families and the nothers.
peace
leigh
This is very much a sad commentary... but how different are most of us?? We get into our cars using petroleum delieverd to us by companies who often use cheap labor for their construction sites ... even the fact that we get into our cars ... when most of the world can't afford them, let alone the gas???
Privledge is a matter of perspective .. and we are among the most priviledges, even the poorest among us!!
Damned world we all live in, isn't it? So what can we do ... we build our little sand castles and don't drive as much, buy used cars, don't buy gas guzzlers ... we think and try to do "green" .. but lately I ask .. what does it all matter? Are we making any difference ... wanna bet that the the Bushies and their ilk will continue to control?? So what can we do anyway .. why do I sound so hopeless?? Maybe just where I am right now .... who knows .. you started me thinking again, Mc Fuzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post a Comment